Miss USA

I can't even believe this is on- I am losing my touch! I used to know when these things were on- I'm losing it.

Ok this has Donald Trumps crappy ass trademark over it- such a poor excuse for a pageant. First off the dresses- sooooo bad!!! SOOO BAD!!! The only good thing about the beginning was the use of Rihanna's music because it makes me happy.

DONNY AND MARIE?!?! DONNY AND MARIE?!?! WTF!? How the hell are these two idiots relevant/!? Seriously- Mario Lopez was booked? What the hell are these two doing here?

Why don't they show Miss USA falling on her ass at Miss Universe- that was the highlight of her year for me!

I love what Miss America did this year with the reality show- I knew the contestants before going in and could cheer for them. Right now they are cutting them down to 15 and I have no opinion really. Other than noticing that there are a LOT of fake boobs in this competition.

Why the hell are they all posing sideways like that with the weird arch in their backs?!?!! DId they not get pageant coaches? For the love of god someone hire me as a pageant coach- I have watched enough of these to know what not to do. Do NOT where a dress with a giant bow on the front of your dress!!

Is it just me or have all of these girls had brow lifts??! Their eyes move but their brows stay up there- and they are all a good 1/2 inch higher than their browbone!!

The pictures of them posing with the dangling silver beads makes them all look like hookers. Actually I'm made they are using those because I saw them in a design store and liked them- now these girls are making them cheap...

HEATHER MILLS!?!? HEATHER FUCKING MILLS!??!?! What is that bitch doing there?!?!

Joey Fatone- personality...hahah

Oh Rob Schneider you are better than this. Christian- you are also too good for this. You just won Project Runway- you shouldn't need this yet! Oh Hope is on here again- he always does this!! Since when is she a jewelry and clothing designer?! Ken Paves- urg...no wonder all the hair is crap!!

Wow there are a whole lot of implants in this swimwear competition. And the use of fur coats with the swimsuits- classy. Yet again emphasizes that all of these girls look like hookers. They look like russian call girls who show up at your door in fur and are wearing a bathing suit underneath (that scenario is in the book I'm reading now).

Another note- these girls really seem to like the tangerine skin tones- they seem to think it look good. I think they look HORRID

This pageant is all filler and no substance. Bring me Miss America anyday.

I have to admit though- I don't mind the bathing suits- they actually are nice thi year.

I love that Rob Schneider just looked like he was falling asleep- haha!! Oh I just noticed they are giving the scores- dammit I wasn't paying attention before.

They didn't like Indiana as much- not shocking conidering hers are real. Wow I'm shocked- Miss California isn't anorexic are cut. She looks healthy- and oh look, she got a horrible score because of it!

Utah can't pose at all- oh her score reflects that. Ew Florida is NASTY!! An outtie?! And a Fergie-like smushed meth face?! EW! How did she score that high!?!?

Missouri's interests are laughing and organizing?!?! Seriously- those are hobbies?!?!

New Jersey's hobby is suntanning...moron. I can't believe people still tan- idiots.

Texas' hobby is online researching?!!? Does that mean she likes to stalk on facebook? Well I do too but it is not my hobby!!

Florida got through- Fergie Ferg made it through?!?! Seriously- she is an ugly version of Jessica Simpson- she's Jessica after Fergie's meth use

Note that California with the healthy body did not make it further

I don't mind the black dress- but the implants are a bit much!!

Miss Missouri are you a 60 year old socialite? Are you Helen Mirren?! Because if not that dress is WAY too old for you!

New Jersey- you are Julia Roberts in pretty woman- a crappy hooker with no taste trying to dress up. Ugly

Pennsylvania- not horrible but boring. Sheer lace?! Crochetted?! My mom wore this back in 1995- next

Oklahoma- that hair would have been amazing in 2001...not so much now. And the cut outs- not classy- especially the extra side boob cut out- lovely...
Note the extra side boob cut out just gave her a kickass score

Mississippi- HORRIBLY ill fitting!! That dress looks SOOOO bad with her cleavage- it doesn't fit her!! And the slit up the middle always adds a certain elegance

Tennessee- Oh the low cut front, the implants holding up the top boning, the dollar store white satin skirt- man that was classy.

Texas- another dress being held up with implants. Oh and a sheer nude skirt- he took a page from Miss Michigan aka Miss USA and went with the house of Britney Spears style of creassing.

Why on earth does Indiana pose on the side?!? Does she think that a side profile looks nice!?! I think I'm going to call this girl Scarlett Ohara- her dress looks like it weighs a millian pounds and was made from brocade curtains.

Florida is definitely trying to rock the Ken Paves hair to gain some points. I don't hate the colour- but the cut of the dress is SOOOO unflattering!!! SOOOO unflattering!! She looks super hippy and the cutouts don't help!!!

Well I think that all of these girls bought their dresses at the GT boutique- it really is great publicity for Le Tigre!!

Note Heather Mills that daft cow trying to be in Joey Fatone's shot. ACH STOP TALKING TO THAT DOUCHE!! God I hate her!!

New Jersey was asked about going to a waterfall?!!? That sucked!?

Mississippi didn't even talk about her speech impediment- she just said I have confidence since I am talking in public- dumbass answer

I love watching Mississippi and Texas acting like they like each other- I am sure they are muttering death threats to each other right now

Oh they gave it to Texas- the implants worked!! She doesn't even really show emotion- her face can't move very much right now. Maybe after a few weeks the botox will wear off a bit and she'll be able to emote