American Idol- 9

Jennifer Lopez as a singing coach?! Really?! Seriously?! I mean the girl doesn't tour or sing live because...wait for it...she can't sing!! I mean teaching people how to act slutty- of course. To pout annoyingly- no doubt. To stick out and overplay their ass- most definitely! But not singing! This is so bad...

Melinda- side note- I need bangles. Lots and lots of bangles. Yes Melinda, it is hard to be sexy with no neck- but try! She is like a 60 year old lounge singer! Seriously- yawn. Oh god what is up with Paula's lipstick- yuck. Stupid cotton candy pink.

Lakisha- ok I am still shocked that JLo has to do this show- I mean she goes to the freaking Oscars- as a presenter obviously but still. I mean it wasn't horrid- but it wasn't great. It was a bit fast for her

Chris- god I hate this hobbit- and fittingly he chose a song I absolutely despise. This song makes me angry- and this combination is just irritating me beyond belief. I hate this kind of singer....so much! I like my men a bit manlier than this without all the whining- and that is saying a lot since Linz thinks all the guys I like are gay

Haley- well she decided to stick with the short short- I guess she figures that's the only way she'll get votes since she can't sing a note and you can hardly hear her. If I didn't already know all the words I wouldn't understand a word she is saying. The background singers are singing more than she is. She's doing a lot of oos and ahs- but no words. And those "big" notes were totally off key.

Phil- this is just reminding me that I have to add Carlos Santana to my island- for the love of god send him away so I'm not subjected to this awful music anymore. Phil is just freaky looking and out of his element. I mean he's not Sanjaya but he's still not great. And the little pube stach is doing nothing for me. boring. next.

Jordin- she almost looks like she is taking this song too seriously- which is completely ridiculous since it is a retarded song! But I love her voice- I like her the best of all the girls

Blake- nice using Mark Anthony as a reference. Maybe she should have explained his passions. Oh he is wearing the ugly hat- I hate men in hats. Especially when they are straw. Hate this song- but I do like him. He should be singing my Ricki Martin- he looks like he wants to shake his bonbon. I can do without the sexxay glances at the camera- not hot.

Sanjaya- ok Mandy got my hopes up about this. It would be fantastic if he came out and sang She bangs- to acknowledge that he can't sing. Plus I need to hear me some Ricki Martin- people I really truly do love him. Oh Christ- he sang this?!!? This Rico Suave song?!? Seriously....oh crap...here comes my supper...I really didn't want to puke tonight. Oh god- pan the camera back- pan it back!! The little stack and goatee- oh god...If you could see my face right now- I'm trying to look anywhere but the screen- and I'm pushing my head back into the couch. Oh god...only thing- I'd like to know what gel he's using- it is holding his curl well (in an ultrafemme way) without any frizz. Bottom line- you should never be allowed to sing in another language if you can't sing in your own first!

For the love of god get rid of Sanjaya